The Journal of a Lost Soul

[oranges44]

/On the floor in Octavian Ranges’ suite in the Imperial fortress lies a book, open towards the ground. The pages are bent, and it seems as though the book had been knocked off the table above./

The Journal of Octavian Gioseph Othilio Ranges Volume. V, i.

Today, the Empire has promoted yet another new Octavian, Demaro, of the Canterpol militia. He will be taking the place of Attama, of the 7th Division of our Emperor.

Attama I shall miss greatly. When I was first made Octavian of the 8th, he had only been Octavian for five years or so, and was quick to introduce me to the procedures of the rank, and the modernized approach to leadership. He had become almost a mentor to me in my earlier years, and our forces had often collaborated in the great wars.

Now, I would never say it anywhere but in my own privacy of this bound book, but it is more apparent than ever that the Emperor is losing influence in the nation. With the rise of the state militias' prominence and esteem in the capital, Octavian Demaro is the fifth militia leader to have been appointed to my rank.
Though nobody has ever said anything to the Emperor, he can tell the last of us ‘old’ Octavians are doubtful of his control, simply by the glares we give him.

….. /the pages appear to be ripped out/

Volume VI, i.

The state of Antro, and its militia have declared separation against the Empire. All eyes in the Octavian Council today were towards Octavian Mars, who had risen up in distinction out of the militia of that very state less than a year ago. Though he vowed to suppress them to his greatest ability we all know very well he will join them soon enough.

VI, ii.

Late in the night the traitor, Mars, attempted to flee the capital. Early this morning he was apprehended by men of my own legion, earning a nod from the Emperor. He will most certainly pay the price of death for abandoning his post as Octavian, and betraying the loyalty of the Empire.

Utter assimilation of Mars’ former 2nd Division into the other seven divisions is taking place until the conflict has reached a stable enough point to promote a new Octavian.

I have moved my division to the border of Canterpol and Antro. The 8th is now, against my better judgment, only holding guard against attacks on the rest of the Empire.

VI, iii.

It would appear that Octavian Demaro has proven useful at his post for once. While my division held defense, the 7th has retaken Antro from the militia. The 7th, and Octavian Jiro’s 5th are currently holding posts in the state as to suppress and occupy the state until new leadership can be installed /and/ accepted by the people.

VI, iv.

The barbarian Demaro has betrayed us. Jiro is dead. All of the 5th has been massacred in Antro, and Canterpol has declared war on the Empire. The 7th Division is no more, joining the Canterpol Militia in arms against us. All of my men in Canterpol were pulled out before the militia riots, luckily, and are currently securing the capital’s borders.

VI, v.

Antro has fallen from the outside. The Canterpol Militia did not apparently have the manpower it believed and the state has fallen into anarchy. What I would do to see the face on that bastard, Demaro, now. This is why the control of the Empire is necessary; no single militia can withstand from the criminals and raiders of the south.

The 8th is surrounding the capital of Canterpol, as I write this from the General’s tent mere fields away from battle. How I would like, so very much, to fight in this battle against the traitors, but enough Octavians have died in the past few months.

VI, vi.

This is it. I am now a savior and destroyer. I am now a legend, and a disgrace.

Let it be known forever that the 8th Division has crushed the Canterpol Militia, and the rebel states. The rebels, Demaro, and all of his men are dead.
After capturing the capital, Hollis, and assassinating Demaro, in the dead of night, I ordered the death of his personal legion.

The Emperor claims he was not pleased. He says I shall stand trial for mass manslaughter without Imperial warrant. This is an utter outrage. I have done nothing but save the nation from uprising, yet I am being publically humiliated. This is the work of the states, not the Empire. If the Emperor chooses to follow their influence instead of our own, who will protect us from them?

((This took me quite some time to write , and several checks and re - checks. A comment would be nice in encouraging me in the slight chance I think of writing more.

[conor1121]

Good Job!

[Cell]

((Very well written. I like the style of it really. How it goes through such an extent of time, but with the "sections" it is written in. Its a risky writing style, but you have made it work. I hope you do write more.))

[oranges44]

((Thank's for the support cell , appreciate it.

[Ian25]

((Wow, bravo!! I agree with Cell, write more when you can!

[Cerce]

((Alright. I was highly surprised when I saw this post - and even more surprised when Gira actually PM'd me asking for my input on the subject. So, I've got to say - it's excellent for where you are in your roleplaying experience. I wasn't writing nearly at this level when I had first started - or, at least, first taken interest. Read some of my old, old posts on Cerantia: A History for a bit of a reference - they sucked in more ways then one.

Regardless, there is always room for improvement. I would like to point out that it took quite some effort to actually think of something 'negative' to say - and this isn't really meant to be negative, but more like things that could be done better in the future. Take it as constructive criticism - and I ask that any and all do the same for my works.

Although I do see how you wrote this strictly from your character's point of view, it leaves many of his personal questions unanswered. This is relatively uncommon for something that is "in [his] own privacy of this bound book" - he can say anything he wants, yet he seems to only write about the political and militaristic occurrences of his day and age. There is no mention of his personal life, wife (or lack thereof), family, pets, in-depth personal views on the situation, and the like. I say in-depth personal views because, although he states that he clearly views the recent actions of the Emperor in a poor light, and although he does not like the newer members of the military that are based off of the militia, he does not offer input on how he would rather have it done. This could be a fault of the character, as it is in everyday life - it is far easier to find problems than solutions - yet I think that this is a man of action, as well as knowledge, and that it would fit well with his character to ponder on how he would do things if he was in power. There is also no mention of the mundane, little things in life - such as how he despises what he just had to eat before he wrote, or how his sword arm is aching from the last battle.

Yet despite all of these things, this is an excellent, far-above average post for an 'introductory' backstory post. It specifically leaves room for inclusion of the missing pages of the diary, and ends as if the character had to leave quickly to avoid the wrath of the Emperor due to the character taking action against the enemy. There is also a very consistent writing pattern that suggests a view of character-specific arrogance, superiority, and keen militaristic intellect.

My only suggestion for future posts is this: More is better. People will look and say TLR, but for people like me, we will sit and read for hours if the backstory is good enough. And this is far better than good enough, in my honest opinion. Be sure to keep the writing style of your character intact (For example: Crazy commonly writes in short messages, and oftentimes takes extremes in his actions, and writes 'matter-of-factly'; Cerce writes in a fashion similar to a political theorist, and uses words repeatedly, such as 'Indeed; With firm resolve; However;' and can often be seen to write almost in a show-offy way.) I look forward to seeing more from you, Gira. ))