05-11-2012, 06:31,
(This post was last modified: 07-22-2012, 00:28 by smellityet.)
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smellityet
Iron Miner
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Posts: 104
Threads: 8
Joined: Apr 2012
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Yonny's Fables
Once upon a time, in the not-so-far-away lands of Kiwike, there lived a poor librarian in the Kingdom of Promethia. Some say he was a hero. Others say he was a slave. Some even say he had magical powers given by a magical man. The truth is, nobody knows. The real truth is, nobody cares. These are his tales.
NOTE: These are for putting little children of Kiwike to sleep, not for philosophers and critics alike.
Jin and the Giant Sapling
Ten-year-old Jin was a foolish boy who always got into trouble. He would steal cookies and run throughout the streets, munching with joy. Nobody really liked him.
One day, Jin was eating a high-in-fiber-oatmeal cookie, when he noticed a man holding a bone and a tiny sapling.
"You there!" the man said.
"Me?" Jin asked. He was about to run, when the man caught his shirt.
"Yes. I've heard about your wrongdoings, and I don't want you to get into trouble if you're caught."
Jin was confused. Why was this man helping him? Why wasn't he turning him in to the guards for money?
"Listen closely," the ominous man said. "Take this bone and this sapling, and run far away. When nobody is looking, plant the sapling into the ground. Then crush this bone and sprinkle it on top."
Jin thought that maybe it was a way to make a plant that grew cookies! He found the peculiar sapling odd, though...
The next day, Jin did exactly as the man told, with some difficulty crushing the bone. When he sprinkled the bone powder on the sapling, it started to grow instantly! In fact, it grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew until Jin died. The end.
The moral: Don't steal cookies or use bone powder on rainforest saplings.
There once lived a poor man in Solitude who sold melons for a living. One day, nobody bought a single of his melons, and thus rendering him unable to pay his upkeep.
A man with a goldfish walked by his melon stand.
"Hello there sir. I'll trade you this goldfish here along with five coins in exchange for your entire basket of melons." Since the melons were beginning to rot, the poor man accepted the trade.
In the morning, the poor man said his greetings to the sun as he had always done (Voting on Kiwike). Suddenly, as if by magic, the goldfish he had traded for pooped out twenty golden nuggets! The man was overjoyed. Each day, the goldfish would poop out the golden nuggets as long as the man said his greetings.
After a few weeks, the man became impatient with the goldfish.
"Poop more!" he cried. "More! More! Faster!"
He began to think that perhaps the goldfish was stubborn, and only gave him a small portion a day. That it must have a fortune inside of it!
So, the man killed the fish to find nothing inside. The fish was magical! Quite the shame; the man once again became broke and no matter how many times he said his greetings to the sun, he received nothing.
He was so obsessed with getting the fortune inside the fish that he didn't notice his house burning down.
The moral: 1) Don't become impatient or greedy 2) Voting for Kiwike may take some time, but it gives you a nice reward and supports the community; thus making it more "awesome."
("The Gingerbread Man")
One day, an old librarian was working late at night. He sighed. The librarian did not have children or wife, and he especially wanted a son. He picked up a sheet of sugarcane-based paper and began to fold an origami boy, imagining the little boy laughing and playing tag.
Suddenly, the origami boy came to life!
"My son!" the librarian said. Instead of hugging his "father," the boy ran off the table and onto the floor.
"Run! Run! As fast as you can! You can't catch me; I'm the letter-writing man!"
The insane paper boy ran off to the local Kiwike post office. There, he began writing pointless and silly messages to random inhabitants around the world. Once he was certain that every single mailbox was filled, he ran away shouting to the mailman:
"Run! Run! As fast as you can! You can't catch me; I'm the letter-writing man!"
Now, the old librarian and the mailman were chasing the boy. They followed him all the way to the bank. There, he noticed deposit boxes. He wrote more letters of nonsense and deposited them into the accounts of Kiwikiean people. Once he was certain that every depositbox was filled, he ran off shouting to the banker and the guard:
"Run! Run! As fast as you can! You can't catch me; I'm the letter-writing man!"
Now, the librarian, the mailman, the banker, and the guard were chasing the boy. This time, he ran off to the city barracks, and saw payboxes that were used to give salaries to each soldier. He wrote even more notes and scraps of pointless sayings and put them in the containers. Once he was certain that everything was overflowing, he ran off shouting to the general and his soldiers:
"Run! Run! As fast as you can! You can't catch me; I'm the letter-writing man!"
When the boy reached the city gates, he was chased by the librarian, the mailman, the banker, the guard, the general, the soldiers, and the mob of annoyed people who all received his letters. All of them failed to catch him. Then, a hoard of chubby barbarians came charging towards the city. One of them stepped on the paper boy, and that was the end of the letter-writing man.
Moral(s): 1) Don't spam random letters to people's postboxes- they won't like you. [or at least don't sign who's it from] 2) Be careful with what you wish for. 3) Be sure not to get trampled underneath a chubby barbarian while in Kiwike.
Once upon a time, there lived three barbarians who happened to be brothers. They decided to leave their non-government, non-culture, and non-writing tribe. The brothers wanted to build a city and start a civilization full of more intelligent people. The problem was, none could agree on where to build the country. They decided to go separate ways.
The first brother chose to settle in the desert, the second near a volcano, and the third along a river on a lush and fertile plain.
The first brother found tons of sand and gunpowder from the remains of some beast. Mixed, it created a powdery material that was suitable as a building block. "I'll make a city out of... hmm... what should I name it? I know! TNT!" he thought.
*And that is how TNT was invented*
The second brother walked by the volcano and noticed the sturdy obsidian. "I'll make a mansion out of obsidian!" he thought.
The third brother came along and started a small farm, raising wheat for food and sheep for wool. "I wonder what I should make my hut out of," he thought.
The first brother had completed his city first. "Hazaa! I am the best because a I am the first to finish! This glorious city will be... glorious!" Unfortunately for the first brother, the mother of the dead beast was not pleased. One night she decided to attack him for stealing her son's body. The brother was startled to see the beast, dropped his torch, and accidentally set off his entire city in doing so. He was dead.
When news of his brother's death arrived to the second brother, he did not honor him, but simply laughed. "Ha! My annoying brother is now gone! I am now the best with my glorious mansion! What a fool he was to build a city with TNT, and how clever I am, to make this out of obsidian. No idiot beast shall be able to break into here!"
Now, this mother beast has especially good hearing ((as all creepers do)). She was outraged to hear him call her an "idiot." "I'll show him," she thought.
The mother beast raised an army of minions and lay siege to the mansion. The second brother was trapped inside his house, with no food or drink. He died after sundown. The minions were rejoiced and decided to party every single night, as they do today.
*And that is why we have monsters in Kiwike*
The minions were not content. They begged the mother beast to attack the final brother, just for fun. "Alright," she said, "go ahead."
"Oh sheep," the third brother said to his herd, "what am I to do? All my brothers are gone, and now you and I are in danger, for an army of demons they have unleashed!"
Don't worry, they said,we trust that you have been a kind master to us. We shall help you, noble one. We will take our poo; it is stronger than the hardest obsidian; and build a wall around the farm and your hut.
*And that is how bedrock was invented*
Quickly, the sheep rushed to complete the great wall. It was done by sundown.
The army had arrived.
"YOU SHALL DIE!" the minions chanted in unison. They began the siege, but it did not work, for the third brother had food and water and was not bored to death, with his sheep to talk to.
Finally, the minions gave up. "We will be back... soon," they said. Then, as the third brother began to shear the sheep, the wool suffocated all the minions. This time, they died.
*And that is why the beasts ((specifically creepers)) are afraid of sheep. They aren't very smart, so they think that kittens are sheep and that sheep are kittens.
(Hint: The Iliad and the Odyssey)
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